Site Search

'Hamster Twitter
Governor Apologizes to Non-Christians
Montgomery (JM) - Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley apologized on Wednesday to anyone he may have offended with his comments that non-Christians were not his brothers and sisters. He made that remark as part of an 'altar call' at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, believing himself to be a paragon of inclusiveness by deigning to speak at "that colored church".

Though much of the firestorm of backlash took place out of the Governor's sight in the electronic media, underlings finally convinced him of the need to backtrack. Still confused about what the big deal was, he met with members of Alabama's Jewish and Suspected-Communist community and eventually thought he saw the problem.

Following the meeting, Bentley addressed reporters to make an apology: "What I would like to do is apologize. To anyone who heard those words and felt disenfranchised, I want to say, 'I'm sorry.' If you're not a person who can say you are sorry, you're not a very good leader."

"I would also like to ask," he continued, "that if anyone here today has not accepted Jesus Christ into their heart...", but was interrupted by the loud coughing of a staffer and eventually ended the press conference without further comment.

As of press time, the right to vote and hold elected office was still open to Non-Christians in Alabama, so long as their ancestors voted in the state before the War of Northern Aggression and they could pass a cursory literacy test based on Phillipians, chapters 3 and 4