BIRMINGHAM KNOW-NOTHINGS: Meet at Fiver's, Friday 6 PM to discuss Universism, mixology, and who's lame.
HAN SHOT FIRST!!! Pages of documents don't lie!! I have the proof. It's all a matter of record. Don't believe Lucas' lies!! Send S.A.S.E. and $3 for my fully referenced pamphlet. Carl the Hutt, 4123 1/2 Omega Street.
FLÜGELMEISTER: The Fox and Hound Club of the Alabama Highlands is presently interviewing for the position of Flügelmeister for the upcoming fox season. Buglers need not apply. Send résumé and audition materials to Alex Fleming, Fox and Hound Club of the Alabama Highlands, c/o this publication.
LOST: Antique "French-Style" Cast Iron Bath Tub. Last seen in construction dumpster in Woodlawn Heights neighborhood. 555-9907
AUTOGRAPHED FOOTBALL: Dora High School football, signed by all players. Also available signed caps from Lassiter Mtn. racers.
ROLLING STEEL: Hours and hours of hot rolling steel on VHS. P.O. Box 2283, 35201
METAL/POP BAND NEEDS GUITARIST, DRUMMER, BASSIST, MANAGER: I supply the songs, you fill in the sounds and gigs. Influences: Dionne Warwick, Bal-Sagoth, Morbid Angel, Jacques Brel, Sepultura, Lionel Richie, etc.
FOUND: Large black cockroach. No collar. Presently living under my refrigerator. Galleria Woods Apartments area. Email
MODELS NEEDED: Lonely Hoover-Area Fantasy Artist willing to pay $40/hr for female model with unrealistic hourglass figure. Muscles a plus.
ARE YOU LONELY? Add your name to our list and 5-10 new people will telephone you every evening around dinner time for small talk, special offers, can't miss opportunities.
'ARLOGH QOYLU'PU'? VAGH? HLQ' PEM! ( yIchId tlhInganpu' tu'lu'be' 'e' luSov SenwI' rIlwI' je )
BABY FURNITURE, TOYS, ETC Large selection of baby furniture, toys and clothing no longer needed after child wandered off. Call for appointment. 555-3442
TO THE BELLE WHO PERCHANCED TO DROP HER HANKY You: Bon vivant mademoiselle with high breeding and thick eyelashes sauntering down Third Ave on Tuesday. Me: Strapping young chap with a bestirred heart and a bright future who wishes to arrange for a rendezvous. Leave calling card for "Pete" at offices of Shropsmeyer, Striklin, Herker and Meeks.
DO YOU SPEAK FARSI? The SuperJesusChannel has immediate need for up to three Farsi interpreters to record on-air announcements for our affiliated SuperMohamedChannel in Tehran, Iran. Apply in person at the SuperJesusChannel, 777 Beacon Parkway, Birmingham
MAGIC SEEDS: Grab bag assortment. Guaranteed to Surprise. $36.95 Money Order to P.O.Box 40024 Irondale 35210