Wednesday, August 2 - Badminton
The first annual Shuttle on Shuttle badminton tournament. The event will be held on F.L. Shuttlesworth drive near the scrap yards. Serveral area ladies will be on hand to shuttle your cocks from game to game. You might refer to them as "ball girls." These are strictly volunteers so bring a little extra money for tips. There will be plenty of knee pads and towels on hand.

Thursday, August 3 - Spelling Bee
The Birmingham Post Herald (a Scripps Howard newspaper) presents the first annual Non-Traditional Spelling Bee. Local youth will be encouraged to use their creativity when spelling unfamiliar words. There will be no misspellings, instead the Post Herald editor will decide which contestants to eliminate after each round. The most unusual spelling attempts will be printed in the Post Herald. Frequently.

Friday, August 4 - Canoe Trip
Join the Cahaba River Society on a twilight canoe trip. Meet for a put-in at the gazebo on Highway 280. Experience wildlife that only comes out at night from dumptrucktapus to erosiosaurus. Keep you eyes peeled for floating wonders like medical waste and dead bodies.

Saturday, August 5 - Exhibit
Opening day of a show featuring famous landscapes of the American west at the BMA. Includes the BMA's own very large Bierstadt and a few others not owned by Ted Turner.

Sunday, August 6 - Run
Another twilight event for the not faint of heart, this time a five mile run. But not just any run, a pet run. The run begins in the Norwood community, continues through North Birmingham, and concludes (after a jaunt down F. L. Shuttlesworth drive) in the Fountain Heights neighborhood. All strays which join the pack of running pets will be put to sleep at the end of the run.

Monday, August 7 - Music
Noon Tunes at Linn Park features a free concert from Redbone Blind Barker, a park resident. Redbone, who has been performing impromptu shows to passersby for ten years, will finally be able to reach a wider audience from a microphone under the gazebo. His shuffling muttering style is said by Birmingham Weekly to be "a tour de force." Due to the more mainstream audience anticipated, Redbone is expected to curb his penchant for exposing himself.

Tuesday, August 8 - Convention
The Society for Creative Anachronism holds its semi-annual convention at the BJCC in Birmingham. The convention delegates are split between Oliver Cromwell and William of Orange in their support for a presidential nominee. After a jousting tournament to decide the outcome, the delegates will visit Vulcan Park, The Country Club of Birmingham, and Shoal Creek. Time permitting the Anachronists plan to attend a Birmingham City Council meeting.

Wednesday, August 9 - Performance Art
Local artist Cecil Whitmire will perform his famous one act play "Grumpy Gambol" at the Alabama Theatre. His tirade includes commentary on the state of youth today and what it is like to make love to the Mighty Wurlitzer. Hear his comments on the MPAA and its president Jack Valenti. You'll never forget Whimire's trademark "Rated R Rant."

Thursday, August 10 - Cinema
Come to Thursday Club CinemaTekneek at the Carver theater. Tonight's film will be "Black Orpheus" featuring as always a warm up from Tekneek.

Friday, August 11 - Jazz Odyssey
Widespread Panic takes over the Oak Mountain Amphitheatre for a three day residence. Get there before the loose joint vendors run out so you can enjoy the camaraderie and tailgating atmosphere. Pack your hibachi and Kraft singles for maximum profit from the grilled cheese experience.

Saturday, August 12 - Odyssey
Widespread Panic continues their residency at the Oak Mountain Amphitheatre. Check out the second day revelers and see what substance abuse hath wrought. Watch hundreds of people on the munchy meander as they sojourn to sate their tummy grumblings.

Sunday, August 13 - Oddity
Widespread Panic holds residency for a final day at the Oak Mountain Amphitheatre. See the pit of ardor open up to swallow the hollow hungry human detritus that remains. The scene resembles a renaissance painting and will be captured on canvas by famed sports depicter Daniel Moore.

Monday, August 14 - Back to School
Line them up at the metal detectors with their transparent back packs, it's back to school time!

Tuesday, August 15 - Dinner
The local Knights of Columbus hold their annual Irish Ceili music and dance celebration and spaghetti dinner. Black 47 is not expected to play.