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Local Man Makes Quick Stop For Valentine Condoms
Finds Valentine Process 'Embarrassing'
Southside() - Highland Avenue resident Sam Harris announced his displeasure Tuesday night over the condom buying process at one area supermarket. According to Harris, it was impossible to purchase the condoms in a discreet manner. "I just needed some quick protection," said Harris. "I knew that the Western was a little too public, but I live at Highland Towers so it was on the way." Harris stated that it didn't help his situation that a lot of "weirdos" tend to frequent the Highland Avenue Western during late night hours. "I'm just lumped in with the rest of them," he said. "Sometimes I go looking for a machine at a gas station or a bar bathroom to avoid having to face a checkout lady."

Harris says he tries buying other items along with the condoms, "so it looks like I'm doing my normal shopping - only it's midnight!" Harris says he also makes bad decisions when it is late and he has been drinking. "Sometimes I might get some apples and some Campbell's soup, and then try to slide the condoms in with that stack. But I have to be careful with what I get. For instance, I don't want to buy a blank videotape and some butter, and then also the rubbers. Or a clothesline and duct tape in the same trip. Or cucumbers. I guess if I were thinking clearly I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place."

When asked about how his [sex] partner feels, Harris adds, "Hell, I don't mind birth control - my girlfriend goes to the doctor to get her pills every month, but what she goes through at the doctor's office is different. She looks like she's planning and preparing [for responsible sex] - but me? I look like I got a hooker out in the car. Which I don't." Harris then went on to say that he is sure it is only his feeling that is any way compromised by the responsible use of condoms.