Southside (JM) - Speaking from his death-bed, Charles Geiss, publisher of Birmingham's bi-weekly alternative newspaper Black & White, still sounded upbeat. "I just heard from Ann!" he smiled first at me, and then at Wayne Thompson, regional director for the 'Make-a-Wish' Foundation, "and she's on her way!"

Geiss, who was already suffering an unknown tropical malady contracted while digging through landfills in the outskirts of Oranjestad, Aruba for Natalee Holloway's remains, was shot in the face while on a hunting trip and is not expected to recover. The incident, which took place last week at Uncle Prescott's Petting Zoo and Hunt Club in South Texas has yet to be reported in the major media, and Geiss is ok with that. "The job of a journalist is to support the administration in a time of war. -- That's something I learned from Ann. Besides," he added, "why should anyone care about a harmless little fatal accident involving the vice-president, Shemane Nugent, a case of Coors and some really wacky Secret Service goons?"

In fact, Geiss has learned a lot from Ann Coulter, the stridently conservative columnist who has gained note as much for her harsh diatribes against the liberal media, the Islamic world, and minorities in general as for her long silky legs, brilliant smile, and prominent Adam's apple. "She's been a hero of mine ever since she started contributing to The National Review in 2001," croaked Geiss, "Those columns just jumped off the page and went straight for the jugular [of the liberal media]".

'Make-a-Wish' was contacted by one of our family counselors after Geiss' prognosis became known," said Thompson, who spends his days making dreams come true for terminally ill children. "Normally, we don't fulfill adult fantasies, but because Chuck here was born on February 29 of a leap year, he's technically only 11 years old." We came to visit three days ago and talked at length about what would make him the happiest boy in the whole wide world. 'I want to meet Ann' he said, so we got on the phone with some of our contacts at the Claire Booth Luce Policy Institute."

There were a few tense hours before they knew whether anything would come of their call. "We went ahead and hired a decorator and caterer just in case," said Thompson. "These hospital lights can be so unflattering and Chuck wants to look his best. They don't allow open flames, but these frosted acrylic LED lamps set a very nice mood." The tension turned into celebration around 11:00 when Chuck's phone rang to the tune of 'God Bless America', It was Ann's publicist confirming that she would be able to arrange a 30 minute out-call visit this very afternoon. And, as Chuck said, "she's on her way right now."