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God Sets Date for Destruction of Birmingham
Not To Be Out Proclaimed
On High () - God, the Lord of Heaven and Earth, recently made a proclamation naming June 6 as "It's Time To Destroy Birmingham Day," in the City of Birmingham, Alabama. God, apparently displeased by the recent activities of its citizenry and especially its King [mayor], made the proclamation official by giving the required 40 days notice. God was unable to be reached for comment making it unclear whether or not His proclamation is irrevocable.

Examination of past actions by God reveal a record of inconsistency, making any predictions about the outcome of this proclamation risky at best. God followed through with several promises he made in Egypt a few thousand years ago, but He did spare Nineveh the first time after a promised destruction. Uncertainty exists over whether a "sackcloth and ashes" rally alone is sufficient to gain dispensation or what form such a rally must take in order to be pleasing to God.

Working against the possibility of a reprieve by grace is the fact that God specifically mentioned displeasure over Birmingham's recent "sackcloth and ashes" rally. In this rally, Langford attempted to appease God by blaming the faithful for abandoning Him and causing all of the strife that the city is facing. In His proclamation, God made reference to "public spectacles of prayer which were displeasing." He also noted that Langford did not, "like the King of Nineveh, remove [his] royal robes." God also seemed displeased at the lack of fasting, it being widely known that Langford always eats at Green Acres (Peak of Perfection) on Fridays.

Owing to the dismal failure of his previous rally, it is doubtful that further attempts of this type by the mayor will result in the bestowing of God's grace upon the city. God's recommendation is for "all people of conscience of any denomination or creed to flee the city and not look back."