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Road Cut Re-Interpreted
'Silurian' Speculation Superceded
Red Mountain() - The only interpreted road cut of it's kind south of Maryland is undergoing an extensive facelift in order to stay current with the recent explosion of theories about the Earth's creation. Discovery 2000, owner of the Red Mountain museum site, is paying for new fencing and replacement signs for the disused walk along the expressway cut. The interpretive display will incorporate new information, discovered by home scholars, that lends support to a wide range of ideas about Earth's origins, including intelligent design.

"We noticed our revenues began to grow as we introduced more and more elements of hard creation science in our exhibits and in special programs for home schooled children," said Jude Heminway Associate Vice-President of Alternative Science for McWane Center. "Being quick to adopt new theories is the hallmark of a good science education mission, and only enhances our ability to reach out to a community hungry for broader knowledge." "There is also a burgeoning market for creation science tourism," said McWane's unnamed Director of Public Relations, "and we wanted to be on the forefront of that." McWane scientist Lars Smolien is quick to point out that it is not just about pandering to a subset of the community for more funding. "There is clearly a paradigm shift occurring in the scientific community, away from non-inclusive theories like evolution, towards a more open discussion that includes design based evidence."

New descriptions for each of the colored markers along the walls of the cut are already in place. The yellow triangle at the bottom of the cut marks the land as it was originally laid down 12,000 years ago by God. The sign explains how the massive uptilt of the ground in this area was caused by giants who probably wrestled on the spot. A small blue circle above this line marks 'fossils' which were placed by Satan to confuse mankind. The sign goes on to explain how effective this ploy has been at complicating scientist's lives. "The Earth's design is a simple one," said Heminway, "most of the ideas that do not fit the design are clearly intentionally misleading."

Another nearby data point marks an early draft of the ten commandments which is believed to be missing the part about adultery. When asked to explain this particular finding, Dr. John Morris from the Institute for Creation Research explained: "we found this to be more plausible than dinosaurs roaming the earth." A final sign near the walkway entrance explains one of several ideas about how the road cut was made. "It talks about how drag lines might have been used night and day to move the massive amount of earth," said Heminway, "but this is only presented as a theory." Funding for the re-interpretive signage, provided by an anonymous donor, will not be sufficient to restore the Red Mountain Museum itself. The dilapidated museum building will be left in place as a demonstration of how things naturally only get worse as Earth moves towards the end of its design life.