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Mayor Includes 'Economizing Tips' With Overdue Payments to MAX
Downtown (JM) - Enclosed with a check for $332,000, representing payment for the last 2 months of contracted transit service, Birmingham Mayor Bernard Kincaid presented the BJCTA with a list of 'Economizing Tips.' The single page, printed double-spaced in 14 point 'Arial bold', provided a dozen ideas to help the beleaguered transit authority scrape through the next uncertain months.

The Birminghamster has obtained a copy of these suggestions and, in the interest of the public, reprints it here in its entirety:

by "Da Mayor, " the Hon. Bernard M. Kincaid, Mayor

1. Although Buses usually run on clean natural gas, don't rule out methane from Emelle on western Jefferson County routes where people won't notice the smell.
2. I certainly don't endorse segregation, but anything that inspires a boycott is likely to reduce demand.
3. Look into selling multi-week passes for Katrina evacuees to FEMA at full fare prices (But don't gouge)
4. Strategically placed holes in the floors could encourage riders to help the bus along and get some exercise on the way (a la 'The Flintstones')
5. Make Wednesday nights 'Ladies Night' on all in-town routes. (But no Karaoke Thursdays)
6. Avoid running busses during rush hours or along high-traffic corridors.
7. Phase out overweight drivers through early retirement. Hire "little people" to fill openings.
8. Replace large, mostly empty busses with two-seater 'Smart Cars'
9. In heavy traffic, cut engine and let 'the flow of traffic' keep you on the move.
10. Phase out uphill routes.
11. Study costs/benefits of converting to bio-fuel and tapping the vast grease reserves of Birmingham's Greek-owned restaurant industry.
12. Add 'municipal sales tax-free' merchandise carts to all inter-city routes.