The Birminghamster
Lowe Knows




by Mrs. Lowe

Local News Station Stretches For Stories

I know it must be difficult to keep ahead of the pack in the cutthroat local broadcast news and information business. Sometimes there just aren't enough murders, scandals and spectacular automobile accidents to keep you busy. You can't depend on the weather either. Tornadoes, straight-line winds and torrential downpours may not come around in time to fill those huge, empty minutes. Well, fellow Hamsters, I believe Channel 13 just pushed through the News barrier at Mach 10 speed with the following captivating and exclusive item of broadcast journalism excellence on the 10:00 News last night.

Basically, it went like this:

Soda pop cans have germs on them. If you want to prevent disease, wash them off before you drink out of them. Now, I don't know about you guys but I rarely open a can of soda and run my tongue around the top without at least wiping it off. I took a poll in my neighborhood and found that most of my neighbors do the same with the exception of the 9 month old boy who lives on the corner. His Mom says she has him in counseling to determine why he likes to lick everything he can reach. Especially those soda pop cans mentioned in the News clip. She decided to seek professional help because cleaning the tops of those soda cans was getting to be too much for her. My God, it was at least one or two a day! In light of the difficult and serious nature of this gigantic journalistic piece of work, I offer the following recipe.


1 Pkg of your Kool Aid Flavor of Choice
Water as directed on package
Mix it up, chill and serve over ice (preferably in a sterile plastic cup)

A variation of this method involves freezing the liquid mixture in Tupperware Popsicle Molds, and is also favored by my 9 month old neighbor (and his Mom). She serves it to him in his high chair, surrounded by plastic drop cloths in the middle of the kitchen so he can't reach anything else.