The Birminghamster
Lowe Knows




by Mrs. Lowe

I'm A Process Headed Fool

There is a blues song by the late John Lee Hooker about some poor man who is ensnared with a no good woman who treats him bad. It seems she spends all his money at the beauty salon getting buffed, as we so fondly call it today. When not at the salon, she is seen walkin' the streets tryin' to catch her a man with a processed head of hair. He declares blatantly that he "ain't got time to worry 'bout no process head." Now, I always wondered just what that meant until last week when I became one myself! And paid good money to become one, I might add!

As I approach the sixth decade of my life, I am ever alert to little things I might do to make it less obvious that I am on the down side of middle age. Recently, it occurred to me that perhaps I should consider some color or highlights to my hair in order diminish the obvious signs of "The Graying of America" in which I play a large role. I figured that would be quicker and easier than losing the 25 pounds and exercising to reverse the pull of gravity which seems to have taken over my body without notice or warning.

As with everything, I pondered long and hard over the torturous alternatives. Should I spend a lot of extra money and go to a "professional salon" or take the "Lowe Road" and try my luck at Head Start or the likes thereof? Those of you who know me will be surprised to learn I actually opted for the "expensive but professional" route and made an appointment with one of Hoover's finest salons. BIG MISTAKE! I paid $86.00 and NO ONE EVEN NOTICED! I paid big bucks for two people to cut my hair. The "stylist" was new to this shop (probably worked at Head Start last week) and the owner had to finally step in and lend a hand with the scissors. The highlights are sort of orange and make the gray look even grayer. Now I just look like I have MORE gray than I did before with a few streaks of highlight which are only noticeable when my hair is DIRTY. Truthfully, the color is similar to the stripes on my Grand Kitty, Vernon, who is an orange tabby.
Now the moral of the story is this. Don't think that because you pay more money that you will always get what you pay for. I really believe that I could have gotten just as bad a job if I had gone on down to Head Start, walked in and told one of the more myopic stylists I would like a process performed on my hair. Talk about singing the blues, I am WAILING! John Lee, wherever you are, I can relate.

In all honesty, I have to say that Mr. Lowe, who RARELY notices anything, DID actually notice and said he liked it, while my son, who notices EVERYTHING still has not admitted that there is anything different about me at all. Neither has my Mom, who at 79 can still detect if her mail has been inserted into her mailbox at a different angle even though she can barely walk to the mailbox! For $86.00, I could have spent a day at the beach, for God's sake, and sat in the sun with everything covered up but my head and had the job done naturally. That brings to mind a Marvin Gay song with a slight change in the title. "Natural Healing" is what I will call it for this piece. ( I don't think we have been cleared for the word "Sexual" here at the 'Hamster.)

Remember back in the 60's and 70's when GUYS used to get permed a lot? Mr. Lowe, of course, never had to stoop to such a thing. When we used to go out with me wearing my white go go's and chartreuse velvet mini trench style "Detective Coat" and him wearing his red, white and blue chukka boots and polyester bell bottoms, people thought we were Twiggy and Jimi Hendrix. He was a hap'nen Dude with his 'fro and mustache. We have a little picture of him sitting outside by the wading pool as our daughter splashed water on him while wearing her little flower child bikini. It is a little on the dark side since his head was blocking the sun or I would have it printed here on the 'Hamster for all to see. He was never a Process Head though; never had to be. His was "natural" ya'll. Had hair-do-fare in his pocket all the time since he didn't have to spend it at the salon.

Here's a little recipe you can make in your food PROCESSOR. The music genre is a bit different but I have always thought it's namesake MIGHT have been a process head.


1 Small can low sodium tomato paste
1/2 Cup Fresh grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 Cup Fresh chopped parsley
1/4 Cup Fresh Chopped Basil
1/2 Cup Olive Oil (Extra Virgin)
1 large pressed garlic clove

So easy! Just chop everything first and then add your tomato paste, olive oil and swirl it around pretty good until it is sort of pesto like. Then, warm it up a little bit and serve it over your favorite Angel Hair pasta. (or Tortolini) I love it! If your MENS won't eat without meat, add some shrimp - Good God, gotta' have some!

Well, that's all folks. Gotta' run. Ain't got time for no process headed fools. If you see me out and about, let me know if YOU notice any difference! In the meantime, take John Lee Hooker's advice and RUN from any potential lover who's crazy 'bout a Process Head.