Wednesday, June 7 - Zoo Exhibit
Commode O'Dragon arrives at Birmingham's Jimmy Morgan Zoo. The exhibit is located at the site of the former
restrooms behind the former concession stand adjacent to former Monkey Island. Zoo officials speculate that
the alligators now housed at former Monkey Island may have reproduced with the babies making their way
through the sewer grates and into the plumbing of the nearby building. Children are cautioned not to feed the reptiles.
Thursday, June 8 - World Premiere
The Alabama Theatre presents the world
premiere of "Rustin" a movie filmed in Alabama. The movie stars Vestavia
Hills native Michael Pappajohn and one of the kids from the "Home Improvement"
television series. Ticket prices are set high to help finance a new hearing aid
for the Alabama's sound technician.
Friday, June 9 - Free Concert
Birmingham Weekly sponsors a free concert at Bro. Bryan Park featuring Wayne and Jet Star 7.
The barely-amplified music will start promptly at 5:00 P.M. accompanied by the cacaphonous sound of
sport utility vehicles chugging up 22nd Street toward the Expressway.
For those interested in learning more about or purchasing recordings by the bands performing
in this series, maps to the most recent rumored location of Slip Disc records will be provided.
Saturday, June 10 - Dances for a Summer's Eve
Southern Danceworks presents a lot of people jumping around on stage at the
Alys Robinson Stevens Performing Arts Center. Not sponsored by C.B. Fleet Company.
Sunday, June 11 - Rickwood Classic
Featuring your hometown Birmingham Barons against the Mobile BayBears (who will pretend
to be the Houston Buffaloes, ca. 1931) - Fun for all with this nostalgic trip back to the glory days of the Dixie
Series. Segregated seating on game day. Not that anyone would know the difference.
Monday, June 12 - Fantasy Football B.S.ing
Meets every Monday night until the season starts at the Taco Mac on 11th
Avenue South. Be prepared to talk draft picks and wax nostalgic about how last season would have been for
your team if Vinny and Fred had stayed healthy. Cash bar. Twenty four hours advance notice required for
Tuesday, June 13 - Guest Bartender Night
At the Nick. Not that anyone would know the difference. Also, open stage night at
Wednesday, June 14 - Mid Week Crisis
Dugan's pub (Birmingham's original pub) hosts this event to help you make
it through hump day. Siouxsie Bo will be there to help relax everyone with
her soothing voice.
Thursday, June 15 - Oh My God City Stages!
Gawd. What am I gonna wear? I wonder if Tiffany is going? Hey do you think
Stacy would let me borrow her Jellies? They are so retro. Like I wasn't even
born when people were wearing them. And I hope that fake ID works at the Miller
Stage. I'm not leaving the Miller Stage unless that Todd shows up. Like he still
thinks he's my boyfriend or something. Like choke on a clue.
Friday, June 16 - City Stages Day 1
Man I'm gonna sit in my lawn chair all day at the Blockbuster Cafe. Those suckers
without lawn chairs can blow me.
Saturday, June 17 - City Stages Day 2
That lawn chair is just too much hassle. Maybe I can find a curb to sit on
or something when I get really tired.
Sunday, June 18 - City Stages Day 3
Those fucking lawn chair bastards, blocking me from seeing Jill Sobule. If they
don't ban those things I'm not coming back.
Monday, June 19 - Vestavia Zoning Board Meeting
Vote on a request for a variance to construct a miniature golf course on the
roof of the newly constructed mini storage facility across from Chuck E. Cheese's.
Tuesday, June 21 - Morning Becomes Electra
To tell the truth she doesn't want Vulcan put back up. Just look on top of the
Alabama Power building and see how much shinier and happier she is since they
took the ugly man down from his perch. Now put Mars up there and meow!