Wednesday, September 27 - Olympics
There is a gathering of athletes in a city called Sydney in a place known as Australia. Apparently these athletes are competing for various colours of metal pendants to hang around their necks. Supposedly they challenge each other in non-football related sports. If you're interested the event is supposed to be televised by NBC. It is scheduled to last another week or so.

Thursday, September 28 - Water Seminar
Tips on water rationing will be discussed as inevitable surcharges loom on the horizon. Topics will include "Washing Baby in a Bucket," "How to Smell Good Without Showering," "Cooking With Grey Water", and "Wash That SUV Anyway." Join members of the Birmingham City Council and Water Works Board at 5PM on their party boat on the Warrior river.

Friday, September 29 - Greek Food Festival
From souvlaki to baklava a taste treat for everyone. Plates starting at $25 for two dessert cookies and ranging to $250 for a plate with sandwich and rice. Takes place at St. Lucas Middle Eastern Orthodox Non-Muslim Christian Church through Sunday. You can get there the back way by driving through the gyro district which will be abandoned for the event.

Saturday, September 30 - Fat Fest 2000
Join other lovers of fat for a day of culinary delights. Deep fried turkey and lard biscuits are the order of the day. For the less squemish there will be lard butter and corn bread dressing to top off this epicurean feast. Portable vomitoriums will be set up but are expected to fill up quickly.

Sunday, October 1 - Sunday Funday
Everyone in the Birmingham area will try to have fun today no matter what the cost. Facing water rationing and inept city leaders we will try and forget all of that for a least five minutes today. Mayor Kincaid has not yet signed on to the fun pledge, but don't let that stop you.

Monday, October 2 -

Tuesday, October 3 -

Wednesday, October 4 -

Thursday, October 5 - Contest
The first annual Homestead Hollow Leg Contest featuring Herb Winches and Bill Baxley takes off today near Springville, AL. The last contestant to fill their hollow leg will win a pumpkin carved to look like Vulcan.

Friday, October 6 - Film Festival
The second annual Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival begins in downtown Birmingham's theatre district. This year's event has six venues including The Alabama Theatre and Carver Theater. A weekend pass will allow you to see all 90 films while access to the street carnival is free to everyone. Weekend passes are $15 available through Ticketbastard until October 6. After that daily passes will be available at the gate for $10. An IMAX movie at the McWane center can be added to any ticket for $5.

Saturday, October 7 - Octuba Fest
Members of the Alabama Symphony Orchestra's stellar tuba section host an old fashioned German beer guzzling and sausage munching party at the Alys Stephens Center. Admission is free and all proceeds from the sale of food will go to the Birmingham Youth Tuba Movement. The tubas will play oompah favorites and of course the Beer Barrel Polka.

Sunday, October 8 - XFL Tryouts
Bring your best end zone dance as XFL scouts begin cobbling together yet another pro team for ravenous Birmingham football fans. Seminars on "trash talk," "smash talk," and "inappropriate hand jestures" will be available for those in need of a few pointers. Legion Field hasn't rocked like this since U2 and Public Enemy.

Monday, October 9 - Cooking Heavy
Chef's from IHOP, Waffle House, Demetri's, and The Purple Onion stage a cooking demonstration as part of the Southern Men's Show. Try a waffle and humous, or barbecue pork in blankets. This vanguard event will be held at the BJCC exhibition hall during Monday night football. Guess how many passing yards Shaun King will have and win a Weber grill.

Tuesday, October 10 -