The Birminghamster




How much milk and bread do you have on hand?

Since I cannot eat solid foods, I depend on milk and bread to make my morning porridge. I like to pour the warm milk over some crumbled bread and sugar. But they didn't have milk, bread, or sugar at the store, so I don't know what I am going to do. - Shirly, 84, Retired Purina Employee herd1

herd2 I don't have any, but I do have peanut butter and jelly. Maybe I can spread some on Ken and eat it that way. Of course you really have to have milk with a 'nut butter sandwich. Maybe Roxanne has some. - Beaner, 29, Yankee

Well, I went to Bruno's and bought all the Barber's milk they had, about 40 gallons. I tried the Pig, but all they had was store brand. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but it never lasts past the expiration date. - Stella, 40, Homemaker herd3

herdblake Well, I have enough canned goods to live on for about six months, but I only have an electric can opener. Sometimes, when the power goes out, all there is to eat is milk and bread. But then the milk goes bad without the refrigerator, so I end up getting sick. - Jimmy, 48, Statesman

I can't eat any foods produced by evil corporate America under the yoke of oppression and slavery. I only consume whole, natural foods from Irian Jaya and South Harlingen, that are harvested by local natives who have never seen a white man. - Allyson, 20, PETA Lackey herd5

herd6 Bread I got. I won this bread machine at the company Christmas party, and I have been baking almost non-stop since. I have never received such a nice gift before. You just throw the ingredients in and in the morning you have fresh bread. I especially like the orange-date-nut recipe that came in the box. - Kat, 28, Stalker

Bread and milk! What's wrong with you man? Those saltine cracker packs actually float. Have you ever seen a loaf of bread that has been in the water? - Bert, 55, Sailor herd7

herd8 Beer has all of the qualities of bread, but in liquid form. Plus it has Vitamin D like milk. Why drink anything else? - Sam, 40, Brewer-Patriot