The Birminghamster




What do you think about Alabama's new coach?

He is the product of an illicit affair between me and the Bear. I've never told anyone about that night in Biloxi. I gave the baby up for adoption and that nice Italian family took him in. Even he doesn't know the Bear is his father, but you can tell it by his record. - Shirly, 84, Former Madame herd1

herd2 I don't know. We play real football up north. What is it, Lehigh and Cornell have played like 134 times? Bama has never played either one of those teams. And they've never beaten Notre Dame unless you count the season the Irish had that high school coach. - Beaner, 29, Yankee

My husband says he is good because he is a Christian. Or at least he coached for a Christian school. I hope it wasn't Catholic though, because that cultishness isn't really Christian I don't think. - Stella, 40, Homemaker herd3

herdblake It's about time we had some real accountability around here instead of someone who always goes running to God when things go wrong. You don't see me whining to the Lord when things don't go my way. Whining yes, but not to the almighty. - Jimmy, 48, Statesman

It's always you men and your manly things. I didn't vote for the sonofabitch. You won't let us vote for coaches will you? Only aristocratic white male land owning alumni have that privilege. Just wait till Nader takes over. - Allyson, 20, Libertarian herd5

herd6 I have been looking for this guy my entire life. He has always been able to elude me. But now I know where he will be, leaning against the goalpost every home Saturday at Bryant Denny. - Man With No Name, 28, Bounty Hunter

Perhaps he will lead them out of the SEC triumphantly into the ACC where they won't have to play Florida. Oh, then they would have to play Florida State. Oh no, and Georgia Tech. Thank heavens for Vandy. - Bert, 55, Engineer herd7

herd8 The Tide just keeps on perkin. - Sam, 40, Brewer-Patriot